Hey all, I know it’s not my turn to blog, but seeing as how I’ve missed my last few I’m just gonna chime in. I feel like I should be introducing myself again at this stage, the fact that I’ve been so absent from the forum and the blog is not something that I’m proud of. I don’t have any real excuse, I’ve just been plain lazy i think.

I have noticed something over these past few months. The fact that I haven’t been under a lot of pressure for the first time since fourth year has caused me to lose ‘the spark’. There has been nothing forcing me to work, or do homework, or go to school… and because of this, I have discovered the catalyst that made me want to write. Writing has always been a way of escaping ‘my life’, a way of leaving the drama of family/school/friends and entering a world dictated by my own words. Indeed, I first started writing when I discovered the existence of a half-brother which my father kept secret from myself and my siblings. (he had valid reasons, and I have forgiven him). Ok, I’m straying from the point… The act of escaping from my life was like a drug, and the more I wrote, the more I wanted to write. And of course I got better as time went by.

Since starting college I have probably written less than 1000 words and before the summer I was writing about 3000 a day. So I have decided to busy myself again. Put more effort into my college work and maybe get a part-time job(if that doesn’t stress me out I don’t know what will!). Even now, typing these words I feel a sense of satisfaction rushing through my body because I am only just now starting to realise how much I have missed writing, missed saying that I write, and missed the day-dreams of getting my first novel published(something I want so badly to achieve). Anne Enright once said that in Ireland if you are a certain type of person, with a particular personality, you will be expected to write a book…and that this is very frustrating on that person because until they write that book they feel that they have failed… This really stuck a cord with me because I do feel like a failure, sort of, not having written a published novel.

With Christmas fast approaching, I’ve had so much to do, and writing again(finally writing again) has been a release once more for me. I’m typing these words and smiling, and already thinking about the next chapter for the novel I’m working on, or was working on up until recently. The frantic tapping of the keyboard is like music to my ears and I feel like I have been in prison for months because not writing has been a form of self-persecution, a form of torture to my mind and I didn’t even feel the pain, until now. Now I know that I have been lazy, and stupid by not writing, by trying to be someone who I’m not. And I didn’t mean to neglect my writing, but I let myself fall into a rut and didn’t try to get out.

I have realised how important Lit-den has been to me over the past year or so. How necessary it was to be around other writers, and poets, and creative people as a whole. I have missed being active on the board, the conversations are ones which I can’t really have with my friends because when I talk about John Banville they look at me like I have two heads. They’re not ignorant people, but novels aren’t important to them… but if i were to speak about an author in the ‘den’, people would comment and give their own opinion… which is important too.

So This is my re-birth, my second wind so to speak. I’m back, and I’m going to be more active that I ever was here, and I’m going to focus on my writing so much more that when I think back to the past six months I won’t be able to believe how stupid I was being. And also, this is my apology to all of you at the den, because I do feel guilt for almost abandoning the den for no real reason.

Merry Christmas all!!!!!!!!!!! I hope everyone has a brilliant week!!

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